This morning, 2 years ago, I took a deep breath and pressed the ‘broadcast’ button. Camming has been a significant part of my life ever since. It’s been at various times; my day job, my social life, my escape and sometimes my stress. It’s taught me that sex work isn’t all about sex. That the community of these sites want more than a faceless naked body and a instant fix. It’s given me a new understanding of myself, physically and mentally. I know my body better than ever, it’s limits and its strengths. I appreciate it in deeper ways, it’s been my tool and my medium these last 2 years. Looking at it and using it everyday has forced me to confront its flaws and to work with them, not against them. Soon I didn’t see them as flaws anymore and if anyone else did, they could just move on.
It’s taught me to fight my urge to compare and compete, cam models and sex workers support and value each other as a strong community. It joyously fucks the misconception that a group of women together will rip each other to shreds. It’s introduced me to strong-minded, political, independent, business people. It’s taught me that there’s no one singular type of person that is ‘attractive’. Diversity on cam sites isn’t perfect but at least it sits outside of any curator, dismissing people to please an imaginary idea of a porn consumer. I’ve watched people that would have never sat comfortably in the “traditional, bankable porn bracket” do it and do well. It’s forced me to confront and change my own ideas about what that means.
It’s not always easy to exist in some ways in direct competition with so many inspiring people, especially when your value is so starkly defined by a number at the end of a night, but there’s nothing like seeing someone else do it better to push you to work harder.
The people who tip and talk and support, thank you. Especially those of you who have been there from the beginning and will probably be there at the end. I’m still here every day desperately trying to find some new and exciting way to take my clothes off and you keep coming back. I’ve not worked out exactly why but I appreciate it. I’m continually surprised by the humour and generosity you all bring in my room and others. Thank you for changing my prejudice about the “kind” of people who use cam sites. Thank you for being my company, my sounding board, my support and my justification for all the weird things I’ve tried. Thanks for letting me be more and more myself. Thanks for the orgasms that I took to the bank.
Camming, for me, is freedom. It’s given me the time and money to make things I’m really proud of. To travel and have adventures and make out with a lot of very attractive people. The freedom to show my sexual expression, my way. The independent sex industry is just beginning to show what it can do and camming is such an important part of that. You don’t need a boss, you don’t need someone telling you what you can, can’t and should do. If you don’t own your own sexuality, somebody else will. Make it a commodity if you want to but do it on your own terms and make it work for you.
Thank you for the best and most interesting 2 years of my life. Vive la cam.
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